Questionnaire

I have this ritual each month when my Vanity Fair comes: I sit down, my gaze lingers on the cover for a moment and then I crack it open. And without reading anything more than a caption I make my way, page by page, through the entire issue. As Cher Horowitz would say, I do a lap before committing to a location. When I finally get to the end I allow myself to begin reading. I make the Proust Questionnaire, the last thing in the magazine, the first thing I read. I've always enjoyed reading these smart little answers from people I sometimes don't even know. And I always find that something will give a new perspective on life or family or on the celebrity being asked. Some of my faves from recent issues are Julie Andrews naming chastity as the most overrated virtue (Sweet Maria!) and Bette Midler exclaiming "Who needs an occasion [to lie]?" For a while I've wanted to do something with these questions, if only just ask a bunch of my friends and see how their answers compare to one another. Luckily they answered and I've pieced this little wonder together. Enjoy!

What is your idea of perfect happiness?
A full plate of delicious
Good Food
Shrimp
Inner peace.
Good Drinks
white wine
BEING FINANCIALLY SECURE
the occasional dance party
Beautiful People
mixed in with some mindfulness/political/philosophical debate
and two ladies

What is your greatest fear?
Ottawa
That I'll know what's mine to do
Failure.
and I won't do it.
Falling
Losing my parents.
Dying in an airplane crash.
Or possibly success.

What is the trait you most deplore in yourself?
A tie: my independence & my bad posture.
I'm lazy
NOT BEING ABLE TO LET THE SMALL THINGS GO.
Pride.
Judgment

What is the trait you most deplore in others?
Lack of adventure
Lack of humor
Poor taste
Pretentiousness.
Judgment

What is your current state of mind?
Forgetful and uncertain.
Anxious
A little hectic, a little crazy
Ambivalent
Joyful, energized, curious.
HOPEFUL
Relaxed
Maxed

What is your greatest extravagance?
Cabs
Books
Hortensia
BEING OBSESSED WITH CARS, AND WANTING TO BUY THEM.
My cameo ring from Italy, clothes and music.
Nice Dreams
Dining out

On what occasion do you lie?
Special occasions
When a telemarketer calls
Whenever I have to.
When I'll hurt a person unnecessarily.
WHEN I'M JOKING AROUND.
To get out of trouble
To save my ass
Formerly, to extend "last call"

What is your favorite name?
Aristotle!
JACKSON
Shulamith.
Telly
Zapfino
Zosia

In your opinion what is the most overrated virtue?
Patience
Temperance
Piety.
Self-sacrifice

Which living person do you most despise?
Star Jones
Tila Tequila
Osama Bin Laden for taking away the ability to smile in your passport photo.

Which living person do you most admire?
Natalia Rose
Tilda Swinton
Alfred Hitchcock (his work is definitely still alive)
Bonnie Raitt
Barack Obama
Rafe Esquith.

What is the quality you most like in a man?
Audacity
What is the quality you most like in a woman?
Compassion
Man?
Fitness
Woman?
Wealth
Man?
Vulnerability
Woman?
Courage to speak her truth.
Man?
SENSITIVITY AND UNDERSTANDING.
Woman?
BALANCE OF NATURE
Man?
Wit
Woman?
Lack of concern for what others think.
Man?
Organization and sense of humor
Woman?
Sensitivity, zest for knowledge
Man?
Men cry less easily than women.
Woman?
Sincerity.

Which words or phrases do you most overuse?
Good Lord, Like, Literally Fuck and Fuck, Like..
DOOD GUY, Like, Mercy.
Do you know what I mean?
Kudos
I know, right?

Which talent would you most like to have?
Artistic
I'd like to be able to
Run really far just for fun.
Create fire
Ball like Kobe
PLAY A MUSICAL INSTRUMENT.
Throw a toothpick through a plate-glass window
A soaring singing voice.

Where would you like to live?
Bora Bora
Paris, London, San Francisco.
In a pink Queen Anne Victorian house with a stupendous turret on the top of a hill in a medium-sized town.
WHERE I LIVE NOW...LOS ANGELES.
A completely green cottage off highway 1 in Northern California.
Dublin
Shanghai
Vancouver
New York City
Closer to my family.

How would you like to die?
At high speeds
Laughing, dreaming, in my sleep.
I would drive a Maserati 140mph down Wilshire Blvd, crash through the Virgin Mary statue at the bluffs overlooking the ocean, explode into a fiery inferno of soaring sports car, then tumble to the PCH.
By choice
I would love to make it to 110 or something crazy, live through disease and all that, and then get hit by a bus.

What is your favorite occupation?
Living
ARTIST, ALL TYPES, surgeons and ER doctors
and
student
Cat
breathing
Writing.
A touring musician with a classic act

What do you most value in your friends?
Unfaltering understanding
LoYAlty, honesty, and compassion
damn funny
Acceptance of spirit.
Their ability to hang in there.
Their differences
...oh and good looking

Who are your favorite writers?
This question is hard. But I'll try... Kerouac, Thompson, Ludlum, Buffet, Hans Christian Andersen, Bret Easton Ellis, Mark Twain, F. SCOTT FitzGERALD, Ian McEwan, Charles Dickens, Hideaki Anno, Joanne Harris, Dorothy Gilman, Diana Gabaldon, Donna Henes, Trebbe Johnson, HEMINGWAY, WALLY LAMB, Steinbeck, Austen, Eckhart Tolle, Douglas Coupland, John Raulston Saul, Garrison Keillor, Dan Savage, Elizabeth McCracken, Joan Didion, Andre Dubus, JD Salinger, Walt Whitman.

Who is your favorite hero of fiction?
Jason Bourne
Winnie the Pooh
Sydney Carton, Shinji Ikari, Spike Spiege
GREAT GATSBY
Mrs. Weasley/Clarissa Dalloway
Atreyu!!!!
LYRA FUCKING BELACQUA
Batman.
Mary Poppins

Which historical figure do you most identify with?
Abe Lincoln. Tall and skinny and worth about five dollars
Caligula
Mary Queen of Scots
Karl Marx
Nathan Hale
Mary Magdalene
Yvon Chouinard
JOHN F. KENNEDY

What is it that you most dislike?
People who let themselves go
DISHARMONY AND INJUSTICE
Despair
Alarm clocks
Cilantro
Rudeness on the subway

If you were to die and come back as a person or thing, what do you think it would be?
Boogie board
A good dog
Japanese
A cat.
A Polar Bear
Biologist
or snow owl
or a world leader
A cat.

What do you dislike most about your appearance?
My skin
My gut! I'm really skinny.
There are moments when I feel
Fluctuating weight
USUALLY MY HAIR
I'm a hairy Greek
like the pregnant man
I'M WAY TOO PARTICULAR

What do you consider to be the lowest depth of misery?
June 2007 until November or December of 2007
Feeling being completely alonely
Inability to love yourself and to accept love from those around you
Life without God, whatever God

What do you consider your greatest achievement?
I haven't achieved it yet
Getting through two months of unemployment without borrowing money from my parents, MY FAMILY, My professional career so far
Becoming myself

What is your most treasured possession?
An old Indian painting
Blue butterfly necklace
My heart, My family, my mental faculties.
and my grandpa’s poetry and cigarette case

What is your motto?
It'll work out.
Always say Yes
Keep fit and have fun!!!
Life bends
An elegant simplicity.
Do your thing
FIND THE GOOD AND POSITIVE IN ALL HUMAN BEINGS.
Don't tell me what I can't do
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.