I just want to throw down some of my theories about what's going to be happening on LOST in this and the coming seasons. As we all know, it's practically impossible to predict what exactly will happen, but we also know that the theories are endless.
First of all, we know these people on Naomi's boat are not coming to save the survivors of Flight 815 and the big question being begged by the network is 'What are they there for?' I've thought for a long time about what exactly is on this island. What are the Hostiles, formerly the Others, protecting and why? What are these mysterious "island properties"? How did Locke get legs and how did Jin get sperm? My theory is that this island is the site of some sort of Fountain of Youth. It's a unique life source that cannot be discovered by the global public for fear of worldwide corruption.
I think Kate's pregnant with Sawyer's baby, but I think she's going to "take care of it", if you know what I mean. I think Sun's going to die and the crouching tiger/hidden dragon I've always known was inside of Jin will finally come out. He's going to go crazy and rip shit up all over the island, like the next Danielle Rousseau: a foreign recluse with a vendetta. I think Claire is going to leave on a helicopter with Aaron (probably early in the season), because I believe Desmond's visions are correct. I think the tension between Jack and Locke is only going to get worse. And I think Ben will die on the island.
Tomorrow's episode, entitled The Beginning Of The End, is going to be a whirlwind: new faces, new places, time traveling, darkness, running, jungle, maybe the return of some treacherous island creatures. I bet Island Time won't exceed one day if that, and the narrative won't progress in leaps and bounds. But it's going to be full of character development, rich with convention and it's going to do a superb job of, as it's title suggests, beginning the end of this fine series.
Tune in tomorrow at 8pm on ABC.
Wednesday, January 30, 2008
I Think I'm Lost: The Present
Now that I have DVR my whole outlook on LOST has changed. As I find going week-to-week pretty close to torture, I am attempting an experiment. Because Patrick is going to be arriving here in LA in late February we've decided to wait, and well up the episodes that air between now and then, and watch them all in one fell swoop. My thought was 'Hey, I've waited 8 months so far, what's one more?'
Well, we've already broken this pact. We've both been invited and, in his case, forced to join LOST premiere parties tomorrow. We talked and decided that we shall attend the premiere and then practice the restraint we're both confident we have. My thought was 'Hey, I've waited 8 months so far, I deserve a little LOST!'
So I am totally and utterly, in every way possible, completely ecstatic about tomorrow night!! I am going to be meeting some new LOST fans (which is always great because you get to hear their thoughts and comments), have a tropical drink or two and let my mind begin racing again after it's been laying fallow for months!
But what about the month in between now and the end of February when Patrick arrives!? It's seriously going to be hard staying away from LOST episodes that are going to be recording on my own television! I'll just need something to do on Thursday nights, like knitting or basket weaving or card house building!
You can expect my thoughts on LOST's premiere episode later this week, but be wary of what you say to me about the show after that. I think I'm making the right choice.
What do YOU think??
Well, we've already broken this pact. We've both been invited and, in his case, forced to join LOST premiere parties tomorrow. We talked and decided that we shall attend the premiere and then practice the restraint we're both confident we have. My thought was 'Hey, I've waited 8 months so far, I deserve a little LOST!'
So I am totally and utterly, in every way possible, completely ecstatic about tomorrow night!! I am going to be meeting some new LOST fans (which is always great because you get to hear their thoughts and comments), have a tropical drink or two and let my mind begin racing again after it's been laying fallow for months!
But what about the month in between now and the end of February when Patrick arrives!? It's seriously going to be hard staying away from LOST episodes that are going to be recording on my own television! I'll just need something to do on Thursday nights, like knitting or basket weaving or card house building!
You can expect my thoughts on LOST's premiere episode later this week, but be wary of what you say to me about the show after that. I think I'm making the right choice.
What do YOU think??
I Think I'm Lost: The Past
You may notice that I did not title this post Telly on Telly. That is because when I talk about LOST I am not speaking "on" it. I am speaking "of" it. This isn't Telly on LOST, it's Telly in LOST. This show completely consumes me like no other constructed narrative piece of writing and vision. I am in awe at its relentless ability to furnish such a unique feeling of, well, loss. It's the only time on television (or movies for that matter) when I get the overwhelming sensation of originality. It's like Jagerbombs of jouissance!
It all started when I began to feel left out. I had always heard LOST was great, and I never actively avoided it to be non-conformist (only to end up loving it, like I did with Titanic and Harry Potter), I had just never seen it. And I only knew it was about some people who crashed on an island, waiting to discover what the monster was. My friends would bring it up, ask each other questions and theories. I would always say, "Well aren't they just going to find another bigger scarier monster once they find out what this one is, until there are no more monsters to find?" They'd sorta stare at me blankly, ignore it and move on. I realize now it's not because what I'd said was wrong - that is, after all, how the show works - it's because I didn't know what I was talking about.
I thought I had had some exposure to shipwreck survival stories. I had read Lord of the Flies, at least enough of it to find out what the first "monster" was (not to mention the second and third) and the Swiss Family Robinson was pretty fresh in my mind - the first monster is finding food and shelter, second is exploration and the third is....pirates?? I don't know, I've never actually finished the story. Anyway, my point is that I was always a little skeptical of this new survival tale. I was convinced that it would follow a formulaic convention that already existed a million times over.
Oh, boy was I wrong. My friend Patrick sat me in front of his television one Sunday afternoon with a precious DVD box set of Season 1. He'd been a loyal fan of the show since Day 1, when he whimsically decided to watch it with a college roommate rather than fight the impending boredom of another school night. I had nothing to do for the next week so I knew this was my time. I watched two season, 44 episodes, almost 2000 nail-biting, mind-boggling, time-traveling minutes of LOST, in three days.
Sometimes I look back on those three days as a joyous and fruitful time for me. Other times I look back upon it as a curse. Patrick blessed me with a knowledge I never knew existed. But I've been doomed to lead a life of pure and utter confusion and, like Cassandra, it's as if I'm screaming to the heavens at the top of my lungs and no one can hear me! LOST is something different. I promise you it's nothing you've seen before.
The 4th Season of LOST begins tomorrow. If there's ever a time to start watching, it's now.
It all started when I began to feel left out. I had always heard LOST was great, and I never actively avoided it to be non-conformist (only to end up loving it, like I did with Titanic and Harry Potter), I had just never seen it. And I only knew it was about some people who crashed on an island, waiting to discover what the monster was. My friends would bring it up, ask each other questions and theories. I would always say, "Well aren't they just going to find another bigger scarier monster once they find out what this one is, until there are no more monsters to find?" They'd sorta stare at me blankly, ignore it and move on. I realize now it's not because what I'd said was wrong - that is, after all, how the show works - it's because I didn't know what I was talking about.
I thought I had had some exposure to shipwreck survival stories. I had read Lord of the Flies, at least enough of it to find out what the first "monster" was (not to mention the second and third) and the Swiss Family Robinson was pretty fresh in my mind - the first monster is finding food and shelter, second is exploration and the third is....pirates?? I don't know, I've never actually finished the story. Anyway, my point is that I was always a little skeptical of this new survival tale. I was convinced that it would follow a formulaic convention that already existed a million times over.
Oh, boy was I wrong. My friend Patrick sat me in front of his television one Sunday afternoon with a precious DVD box set of Season 1. He'd been a loyal fan of the show since Day 1, when he whimsically decided to watch it with a college roommate rather than fight the impending boredom of another school night. I had nothing to do for the next week so I knew this was my time. I watched two season, 44 episodes, almost 2000 nail-biting, mind-boggling, time-traveling minutes of LOST, in three days.
Sometimes I look back on those three days as a joyous and fruitful time for me. Other times I look back upon it as a curse. Patrick blessed me with a knowledge I never knew existed. But I've been doomed to lead a life of pure and utter confusion and, like Cassandra, it's as if I'm screaming to the heavens at the top of my lungs and no one can hear me! LOST is something different. I promise you it's nothing you've seen before.
The 4th Season of LOST begins tomorrow. If there's ever a time to start watching, it's now.
Monday, January 28, 2008
Try This: Not-So-Ho-Hummus
You have to stop whatever you're doing right now. You have to get up and go to the nearest Trader Joe's (or your favorite Trader Joe's or the furthest Trader Joe's, what do I care?) and you need to buy the Tuscan White Bean Hummus.
I am going to forgo the abbreviation here: Oh my GOD! My cuz Sophia and I devoured half a container in about 15 minutes. It's a must-have go-to snack for any fridge, big or small, poor or rich. I just had it on my sandwich and I can't stop thinking about it.
I am going to forgo the abbreviation here: Oh my GOD! My cuz Sophia and I devoured half a container in about 15 minutes. It's a must-have go-to snack for any fridge, big or small, poor or rich. I just had it on my sandwich and I can't stop thinking about it.
Telly on Telly: Tell Me What You Don't Like About Yourself, or Why Kimber's The Best
You know how there are those glorious moments in television when in a scene a character will just go there? They'll say or do something so offensive, absolutely uncalled for and totally Jem (read: truly outrageous) that it just gets all your juices flowin'? Like in Project Runway 2 when Zulema demanded a walk-off and stole Nick's model. Or, and this is a perfect example, Future-Jack's lament in the Season 3 Finale of LOST. It is always so wonderful when a show goes there. However, it's risky. Either it pumps new life into the show, enticing viewers more than ever, or it signifies the plot-point of no return: the proverbial shark jump. Now, imagine, if you will (and I believe you will) a show that perpetually and constantly - scene after scene, episode after episode, season after season - pushes the envelope, leaving its audience in knee-weakening awe! It exists. This show, ladies and gentlemen, is Nip/Tuck: a whirlwind of sex, lies and plastic surgery.
I'll admit it, because it keeps going further and further into outrageousness, my feelings for the show have sometimes been lackluster. Like Season 4, for instance. Julia and Sean getting back together and having the lobster-claw baby was a little unbelievable for me. For those of you that haven't seen it, babies with lobster-claws is the type of shit that comes up on this show.
But usually the outlandish plot twists are anything but lackluster. Highlights include the morbidly obese woman who spent so many years on her couch that her body began to absorb the upholstery. And there's the one with the gay guy and his fag-hag who were drunk and depressed and decided to shoot each other in the face, but she didn't shoot because she was too in love with him, but he did shoot and mangled her face, only to have her shoot and kill him years later right after she got the reconstructive surgery. And who can forget The Carver? Not a killer, but an image-driven, non-beauty crusader who tormented Miami by slicing plastic surgery patients across both cheeks, rendering their faces in a permanent smile! And, of course, there was the moment that started it all: Christian giving Julia, his best friend and business partner's wife, a "breast consultation" in her living room, in the FIRST EPISODE!!
It's not just what happens on the show that gets my blood pumping, it's what they characters say. I often find myself with my jaw on the ground, hands on my head in disbelief. Each character has such conviction, such weight when they speak. Sean so earnest and raw, Julia so severe and hard, Christian so calculated and rude. The acting is not always superb, but what the actors do is a superb job of bringing the scripts to life.
There's one character who shines more than any other, truly the brightest and most alluring gem atop the crown. She is the perfect 10 (an 8 before McNamara/Troy got their hands on her). She is Kimber Henry.
Kimber is the best. There is really no debate. Sure, I love Liz's candid, brash snarkiness and I certainly couldn't get enough of Ava, but Kimber? I mean, (as the darling Jenn Jarecki would say) there are just no words. She's ever-changing, yet graceful - a true model. Maybe it's because she's been touched up so many times, but she has this way of constantly reinventing herself. I mean, basically that's what this whole show does: every season it reboots itself, it starts back where it started, but everything's changed. Kimber is a perfect example of this. She goes from party girl to porn goddess, from housewife to meth addict not seamlessly, but with blaring distinction. Every time she reenters the plot she charges the show with the energy of a brand new white hot character. But she's always the same. You may not have read it here first, but Kelly Carlson dances brilliantly through the best recurring role on television.
Nip/Tuck is in its fifth season on F/X. McNamara/Troy has hit Hollywood, and I assure you it's all-new. Tuesdays at 10pm.
I'll admit it, because it keeps going further and further into outrageousness, my feelings for the show have sometimes been lackluster. Like Season 4, for instance. Julia and Sean getting back together and having the lobster-claw baby was a little unbelievable for me. For those of you that haven't seen it, babies with lobster-claws is the type of shit that comes up on this show.
But usually the outlandish plot twists are anything but lackluster. Highlights include the morbidly obese woman who spent so many years on her couch that her body began to absorb the upholstery. And there's the one with the gay guy and his fag-hag who were drunk and depressed and decided to shoot each other in the face, but she didn't shoot because she was too in love with him, but he did shoot and mangled her face, only to have her shoot and kill him years later right after she got the reconstructive surgery. And who can forget The Carver? Not a killer, but an image-driven, non-beauty crusader who tormented Miami by slicing plastic surgery patients across both cheeks, rendering their faces in a permanent smile! And, of course, there was the moment that started it all: Christian giving Julia, his best friend and business partner's wife, a "breast consultation" in her living room, in the FIRST EPISODE!!
It's not just what happens on the show that gets my blood pumping, it's what they characters say. I often find myself with my jaw on the ground, hands on my head in disbelief. Each character has such conviction, such weight when they speak. Sean so earnest and raw, Julia so severe and hard, Christian so calculated and rude. The acting is not always superb, but what the actors do is a superb job of bringing the scripts to life.
There's one character who shines more than any other, truly the brightest and most alluring gem atop the crown. She is the perfect 10 (an 8 before McNamara/Troy got their hands on her). She is Kimber Henry.
Kimber is the best. There is really no debate. Sure, I love Liz's candid, brash snarkiness and I certainly couldn't get enough of Ava, but Kimber? I mean, (as the darling Jenn Jarecki would say) there are just no words. She's ever-changing, yet graceful - a true model. Maybe it's because she's been touched up so many times, but she has this way of constantly reinventing herself. I mean, basically that's what this whole show does: every season it reboots itself, it starts back where it started, but everything's changed. Kimber is a perfect example of this. She goes from party girl to porn goddess, from housewife to meth addict not seamlessly, but with blaring distinction. Every time she reenters the plot she charges the show with the energy of a brand new white hot character. But she's always the same. You may not have read it here first, but Kelly Carlson dances brilliantly through the best recurring role on television.
Nip/Tuck is in its fifth season on F/X. McNamara/Troy has hit Hollywood, and I assure you it's all-new. Tuesdays at 10pm.
Wednesday, January 9, 2008
Try This: Dry is the New Wet
In the last year my friend Patrick and I have stressed the importance of top quality. Lay's potato chips have been replaced by Kettle or Miss Vicki's, Hershey's chocolate with Thomas Haas and tea bags with loose leaf. After all, there's no other way to go.
As I have sworn off soda (except for on vacation and when mixing with booze) I have been longing for something to fill the void but still maintain my ridiculous standards. And I've found it...
DRY soda is perhaps the best libation that has passed these lips. It's smooth, it's simple and it's original! It comes in four very unusual flavors: lemongrass, rhubarb, kumquat and lavender. I know what you're thinking. "Lavender soda?! Sounds disgusting!" Well it's not. It's effervescent and it's not soapy or overpowering, and it's my favorite flavor. All of these flavors are subtle and soothing, with a hint of playfulness.
And they're practically guilt-free. One bottle contains either 50 or 60 calories, depending on the flavor, and is made up of only 4 ingredients! Beat that, Coca-Cola!
I get it at Whole Foods, so check it out there or visit the website (www.drysoda.com) for more info.
PS. What's exclusively high-brow in YOUR diet?
Jelly Beans
How good are Jelly Belly jelly beans?! Only the best!
I love to pick out a bunch of colors that I know I'll like, then eat them blind! That way you don't know what to expect, but you know you're going to like it. It's like burning yourself a mix CD and then forgetting what order the songs are in.
Mmm!
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
The Reality Of The Situation: Red, White and (Black &) Blue
The Office has been gone for weeks, Gossip Girls are dwindling and they've only made 8 episodes of LOST. This Writers' Strike is really beginning to take its toll, huh? But never fear, the networks are starting to greenlight all their most ridiculous and ratings-grabbing reality shows! Mmm, I loves me some good reality. Here's a few of my thoughts on the mid-season's best new reality.
If there's one distinction between the new American Gladiators (AG08) and the old one, it's size! EVERYTHING is bigger this time around: the hosts (Hulk Hogan and Laila Ali, who showed herself by rising up out of the floor through a sea of smoke), the gladiators, the games, the arena. It's all just huge!
The Gladiators are still just big brutes with ridiculous names (some highlights from the past include Turbo, Laser, Tower and Blaze) but this time around they have taken they're character portrayals to the next level. They completely embody...themselves.
Ok so here we go with the Gladiators:
Titan: He's clearly the Peter Perfect of the group: blond, clean, huge!
Crush: The best looking gladiator I've ever seen in my life. She's just beauuuuuutiful. She's like one of those fat pretty girls that keeps super fit. I love her.
Mayhem: Big, black and angry. He's literally the Scary Spice.
Stealth: Sorta looks like Jayda Pinkett Smith in an alternate reality.
Justice: Wasn't this guy's name just Mayhem...?
Siren: Ok. I like it. Striking red hair, sexy body. I see what you're getting at here.
Toa: OMG talk about embodying a character! This guy's done up like a Polynesian idol! Tattooed and bulging, Toa is a force.
Venom: Mmm mmm Venom! Can you say icing on the cake?!
Wolf: Wait, I lied. Toa doesn't ham it up nearly as much as this mangy looking beast. Kudos to you Wolfington!
Fury: Ok. I like what I see.
Militia: Ooooh so this is the gay porn star! Yikes. Muscles everywhere!
and last but never-in-a-million-years least....
HELLga! There are just no words.
On to the happenings: It really is just like the original. Just bigger (Again with this Bigger theme) Four contestants, two boys and two girls, compete in various events in order to gain points. There are two new events in AG08: Earthquake, a wrestling match suspended in the air on a toppling platform, and Hit & Run (aka Indiana Jones on crack) where contestants must run back and forth on a suspended bridge, each time earning 2 points, while 4 gladiators throw 100 pound pendulums in their way. It's brilliant!
And of course some of the old classics are back. My favorite: The Assault. Ok, the Assault has to be one of the most absurd inventions of the 20th century and it just reeks of the late 80s/early 90s. NERF BALL WARS!?! I mean, it's clearly the best. They have made the Assault a lot more difficult this time around: they have to load their own weapons and sometimes find their own ammo. NBC is not fucking around.
The points, I'm remembering, are for one thing and one thing only: a head start in The Eliminator. The Eliminator is exactly how it sounds: two people go in, and only one comes out. This Eliminator is about 1000 time more difficult than the last one and when it comes to obstacle courses, I don't think I've ever seen one this intense. They've obviously added water, because everything that can now has water, and they've extended the cargo net climb, which now come right out of the water (gotta be a killer!) but the thing that really blows my mind is the barrel roll!! The contestants have to wrap themselves around a horizontal column and roll down an incline to their next obstacle. You have to see it to believe it, and even then I still don't believe it!
It's hard to decide whether I love AG08 as much as the original. I mean Hulk's alright, and Laila had some choice lines ("You talked a lot of trash, but you backed it up, so congratulations!"), and it's absolutely wonderful to see that the Gladiators aren't going easy on the contestants. But, it just seems...cleaner, more focused. You know how the old Gladiators seemed like a gymnastics meet or a swim meet or something - there were people watching in this big room, and lots of stuff was happening all the time and the room was really well lit? Well it's not like that anymore. Our beloved competition is no longer a traveling show. It's on the Mainstage: lights, smoke, mirrors, editing, razzle-dazzle! And to be frank I don't really know how to feel about that.
Bottom line: I'm going to watch again, because there's nothing like seeing 4 beefy guys standing in a half-pipe while some pipsqueak bounces back and forth between them trying to make it to the other side!
The All-New American Gladiators is on NBC Mondays at 8PM.
PS. The only things I noticed that were smaller this time around were the Powerball balls and the Joust platforms. What did YOU see that was smaller this time around??
Friday, January 4, 2008
Mea Culpa
The sole reason for this post is to apologize.
I'm sorry it's been so long since my last post. I'm sorry I haven't been a dedicated blogger. I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry.
But there's good news:
I have a new computer!!!! She's beautiful and black and fits right in my lap and I love her. So, needless to say I have a reason/no excuse not to blog!
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